escribe escribe escribe escribe escribe..todo sera lo que sera. diversion vendra. diversion vendra. diversion vendra. que es lo que quiero con mis amores. quiero q stodo sea facil. quiero q todo sea facil. facil. dame inspiracion dame inspiracion dame inspiracion.
writing is the way to your mind's mind. its the way to express past the lies that by which you abide. hold on tight for the fight is here. never let go, you know there is nothing to fear. dont let your doubt drown you today. there is light, there is light on the way. remember the beauty of all that has come. how could you forget, you know you are the one. hold on to me and conquer this fight. you are a warrior, you are light. stand up for what is needed, stand up for what you feel. live in the moment and pray for the will. time is coming closer, moving faster and you know. its all what you make it, so stay stay low. numbers and sentences all intertwine making life harder to compromise. loving is easier with you eyes closed believe that the moment is right at your toes. let the air hit you, for the time is here the time is here, for the love to begin, the fun to begin, its all so near. hear me, hear me and you shall be free. let it all flow. today today today today today. all is all is all is all is all is all is fine. drink your wine, for your getting cold. create the magic of your heart, and know that this feeling will never part, hoping for the secret of all that i want, making things hard aint what i want. all in all, love is the key. loving is the mystery, loving is always free. make it your own, add colors to the world love the magic of your power. make it your own, so we shall see it.
be it. love it . create it. and be. flower it. amaze. and love what you should be. holding on to me. and holdin on to life, i hope that all is free from this all that is my wrist is coming clean. believe the unseen for the light is there for all, your eyes were closed and you heart numb. today you faced it, today it has come, let in the beauty and fall in love.
today.

loving love.

alone but not lonely.
not alone but lonely.

pero tengo mi fe.
tengo mi fe.
baila amor, canta amor, toca la musica mama. hazlo hazlo hazlo hazlo.
dame algo.
greateness.

face it

facing it.

real physical fear of danger- DONE!!!! on roadtrip, stranded at night with a dead car, and no one to call. calm came over me. on knees look up and saw shooting star. hehehe. i love you, i swear. slept on rocks and woke up to sunrise. no fear no fear. lost. follow intution. slept in car. car trouble. and more.

i either feel it or i don't- sorry, its just me. i dont have an issue, im just picky. sorry if you find that weird but i like the way i work. DONE!!!

school- my life does not depend on my degree. feels good. DONE!!!

others cant see your path. trust yourself.- little by little. :)


i love you guys, fuck it.

music - let the flames begin- paramore

epa epa epa

Todo me pasa alrededor, todo me pasa alrededor, no siento conneccion con mucha gente. Tal vez si siento connection pero prefiero estar sola y solo estar en mis pensamientos. No se. que me pasa? Mamita . todo se alregrela. Todo se alregrela.

Dejalo dejalo. Lo tienes muy muy muy muy bien. Amor dejalo. Seinta la musica. Sienta la musica mamita,. Por favor tu seras mucho lo seras stay strong. Stay strong. Senorita.

Es deficil mi relacion con mi hermana.

i just want to be around music. i just want to be around music. please i just want to play and sing music. its what i need to be free and feel good. i just need to use this outlet please , please, i just want escape into my music that i love and that comes so easily please.

so i dont think many people can take the truth. i think we all need to be prepared for it. it sucks when the people who want the truth can't handle it. OR maybe they can handle it but its just me who can't handle their reaction. maybe thats it. their reaction should cause some sort of feeling. maybe i just want them to accept the truth without being hurt, and it is just me who can't handle the reality of them being hurt. So whats happening is that are handling the truth, but in their own way, emotionally. But what i want to see is that their reaction does not cause any sort of emotional reaction. Maybe i just want the other person to not get hurt. WEll maybe I was right, when i say that i want people to "handle" the truth. What i consider handling the truth is just taking in the information and not getting emotional about it. The truth naturally would stir up emotions in the other person, but how a person who can "handle the truth", i would imagine
that you would be able to handle your emotions, rather, okay that must be it. Goodness. oh man. this is hard, but i dont want think i even want other peoples help. i just want quiet company. i just want quiet company. quiet company.
it makes me sad to think about billie's and my relationship. she needs help right now, and that is with being and hanging around the ones she loves, and what i need right now is alone time. i need drama free. i think deep down it frustrates me because i want what i want. i want drama free time and time to just think. i think i need alone time. and subconsciously i want to be alone and i am pissed that i feel the need to help her. Its me being selfish and wanting my own time in this time that i really should be helping my sister. how do i help her though if i just want to be in my head if i just want to think. oh lord it makes me sad.
sing it please. just sing it.
Everythings gonna be all right!
Everythings gonna be all right!
Everythings gonna be all right!
Everythings gonna be all right!
I said, everythings gonna be all right-a!
Everythings gonna be all right!
Everythings gonna be all right, now!
Everythings gonna be all right!

So, woman, no cry;
No - no, woman - woman, no cry.
Woman, little sister, dont shed no tears;
No, woman, no cry.

love your life, love.

read this

http://www.sacred-texts.com/aor/einstein/einsci.htm

i just want to say i love my life. i dont really have an explanation why i feel this way right now, but i feel it. i like it. bye.

song- iris googoodolls

this is how i work thru my problems in my head. yep. yep

It’s really hard man. This is really hard. I am in thing of finding myself and life and tons of other things that are interesting to me. I am not spending time studying like I should. I like the classes but not as much as I like what I am figuring out. I really just want to take go, but not just the usually…”I need to get away because my life sucks, or its hectic or stressful” but it’s different. It’s so hard to explain. God its hard to explain. I love my life here its fun, but my mind wonders to more important things, or what I consider more important. I feel like I have to perform, I have to put on an act of studying and caring about my grades. What really sucks is not that I might get a c in a class, but that what my professors think. I don’t want them to feel like I am disrespecting them. I don’t like learning under restraints, that’s one thing. Another thing, I tell my self time and time again, the grade doesn’t matter and it helps at times, but then my old conditioned ways bang me in the head again of wanting to make an A. Why? Because I care too much of what others think. It must be that I am not 100% sure of myself just yet to hold firm with how I want my life to be, and how it WILL turn out to be a success. It WILL, I don’t give a fuck what anyone says. God but everyone around me tells me things that are contradicting to want I really want. And when I talk to them I get confused, cuz I think. Well they are right I do want an A in my class. And then I feel guilty that I am not doing the work to get an A. but what the fuck. Do you really really want or need that A. why do you want that A. why? I want the A because it shows that someone knows how to study. It shows that someone is smart. So what are you saying, you’re not smart. You know that’s a load of crap. You study 20 mins b4 a midterm and you still make a b. you don’t so shit and you still do well, imagine how well you would do if you set your mind to it. _____ OKAY THIS IS IT!!! I feel conflicted because that’s what I thought I wanted. I wanted to prove to myself that I can set my mind to anything and do it. I wanted to make A’s. And I feel bad that I haven’t been as disciplined as I thought I would be. So im conflicted right now because I don’t know what I want. Do I want what I really wanted before, to make A’s, or do I want what I say I want now, to follow my happiness and find myself. I don’t know I want both. I really want to continue finding myself because its going so fast and I want it to continue going fast but if I do all that I could to make an A, then I wouldn’t be having the fun that I am having with my friends. I am living my life and I LOVE IT! Think about it, would you like it if all you did was study and made all A’s. hmm??? Not very much, okay but wait, what you want is the ability to hang out with your friends and still make A’s. I want to be able to hangout with my friends, family, and spend time with myself, sleep and all this and still make A’s. is this possible. Is this possible. Okay. Cuz when I look at me not being in school and doing everything else that I want I don’t feel complete either. Okay okay okkkay. I just have to organize for the time being. Just go. Don’t think. Just do it. Don’t think about it. Just do it. Don’t think about it just do it. That is realllllllyyyy hard. This is the challenge., do it. Do it. You will only get better. Do not feel down on yourself when you don’t do this or that. It is all game. Remember it is all a game. It is all a game. It is all a game. It is all a game. What are you giving your attention to. Think about it. Give your attention to what you want right now. Write it out.

I want to make A’s. I want to make A’s. I want to get my work done before schedule. I want to get my stuff done before schedule. I like being productive. I like my shit done way before schedule. I like always being on top of my stuff. I like always being on top of things. I love being organized. I love being organized. I love being organized. I love getting my stuff done. I love being smart enough to get things and work assignments done ridiculously fast . I am ridiculously fast. I am so fast when it comes to learning. O=h goodness please. Please. Please. Thank you. You . I want this transformation to happen really really fasstttttttttttttt. Please . thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you.

i love my life.
Etima is my good friend. Love that lady. she is so chill and just awesome. she doesnt expect to be by my side everyday!! she's awesome.it is her birthday today. we had a chill little celebration at her place last night.

este muchacho, creo q nos estamos hablando. oh LORD JESUS!! this is crazy . crazy. i love it.

MUSICA- BAILe MI CORAZON.

hiljole!!!

YESTERDAY!
- Dim Sum lunch with Csite crew, laleh, sarah, Tony, Jimmy, Chris, JAson. Nice. good food. good people. make me smile.
then we went to hong kong market.
tried to meet eitma for movie. didnt make it.
so went to park with ekta, wine and smoke on wooden tower thingy at swamp, lily pad park. Sarah met us up. listened to four songs on Ekta's phone for about 3-4 hours of sitting. looking at nature, feeling the sun and wind, with chicas that just want to have fun. thats all i want. i just want fun in my life now. just fun.
im loving it, da da da dah DAH
then went home. saw padres. i love my house. my parents are so f-in adorable. played bass for short time. feel asleep.
woke up called etima- hung out till 12:30. got home sat 1:15.
copper right behind me the entire way home. so glad he didnt stop me because that would have been HAHAH, wow, just bad. haha.
fell asleep. woke up early to clean upstairs before juana came. went to sarah's. carpool. sunrise is always beautiful in morning.

umm so much to dooooooo. so much to do. get it done. get it done.
holler
dios santo dios santo dios santo dios santo te quiero te doy gracias te doy gracias te doy gracias te doy graciassssss.. Gracias.


entonces sali del trabajo. billie y su novio me recogeron del trabajo y fui a su casa. jugaron nintendo por un rato- lion king, and aladin. dormi por un rato. jugue drums for a while. despues we shot jareds pellet gun. dun stuff. then we went for free wings at Rudyards and then we talked/ argued about a lot of different things. el amigo de jared estaba alli, kalob.

lo he estado escribiendo claramente por el internet. veremos como responde. big step playa!!